Fuck You Cartoon Network

In particular fuck Adult Swim.  OK, we get it, someone there hates smoking, great, super, fan-fucking-tastic.  And apparently smoking is racist, too.  Very diversified, very nice.  Who gives a fuck?

If you don’t know that smoking is bad for you you have to be either very fucking stupid, very fucking retarded, or living on the goddamned moon for the last 50 years.  I smoke, I will die younger as a result.  If that doesn’t bother me why the fuck should it bother you?  “I don’t like the smell of smoke,” you say.  So what?  I don’t like the smell of farts, but life is not without it’s perils.  I haven’t met anyone yet who complains about second hand smoke who traded their car in for a horse.  I guarantee you a car puts off more poisonous, cancer-causing gases in a trip to the store than I will in a year of smoking.

And what’s with the black thing?  I just watched a commercial that said 80% of black people who smoke prefer menthol, and the cancer rate is higher in blacks.  They have a higher rate of sickle cell anemia too, but I seriously doubt it’s related.  Genetics are responsible for everything, aren’t they?  I have known menthols are worse for you than regular smoking since I was a kid (before I even started smoking.)  Last I checked all of my black friends were just as capable of making their own decisions as my white friends. If you don’t want to face the possible consequences of certain actions, do not engage in those actions.

How is advertising menthols to blacks racist?  Let that shit go.  Sure, there are still racist assholes in this country.  There always will be.  Some of them even have their own shows, like Trevor Noah.  I say let people be racist so you know who to stay away from.  There isn’t a rational person out there that doesn’t know racism is fucking stupid.  If you are too stupid to think for yourself, you lump everything together in a stereotype.  It’s what you do.

But advertising a particular product to a particular group based on known socioeconomic factors or culture-based preferences is not racist, it’s called successful marketing.  I could spend a billion dollars advertising tires on the bottom of the ocean but I won’t sell a single goddamn tire.  I would advertise to car owners.

Cigarette companies (or any company,) advertise to people who have enough money to buy their product.  Welcome to being a viable part of a functioning economy.  Those commercials whining about poor defenseless black people being forced to smoke are the dumbest, most racist goddamn things I have seen on TV all year.

Take that shit off the air, or at least stop showing the same bullshit lying ass commercials 30 times an hour claiming to be based on truth.  Cigarette companies are not even allowed to advertise on TV, right?  But now they make it on TV 30 times an hour.  Smart fucking move.  There is no bad publicity.

Fuck You anti smoking commercials.  Fuck You Adult Swim.  And Fuck You anyone else involved in that stupid shit.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a cigarette.

Fuck You McDonald’s

Fuck You Ronald Mcdonald
What the fuck is this?!?

I went to McDonald’s the other day (because I was craving whatever addictive drug they put in their ketchup,) and had an eye-opening experience.  The rest of you may have already been aware of what I am about to reveal, but it was new to me.  I haven’t been to a McDonald’s for a long, long time.

Do you remember the Big Mac?  Here I am probably talking to people over the age of 30.  People who remember when the Big Mac was actually a Big Deal.  And they filled the fry box to overflowing?  It was worth the extra money back then because you got a lot of food, not a lot of bread.

Fuck You McDonald's
Are you shitting me?

The fucking abomination they sent home with me was like a bad joke.  It was like eating a loaf of bread someone had rubbed a little salad dressing on.

I’m pretty sure I discovered Schrödinger’s patty.  Until you observe it, it is neither there, nor not there.  Once I moved the copious pile of lettuce to one side, I could literally see through the patties in places, which were probably pressed together out of shit they didn’t feel like sweeping up off the floor of a meat packing plant.  Of course I’m joking folks, those patties probably never even met a cow.  You could shave a hundred of these patties off a cow and she could go on to live a long and productive life with little or no notice.

Large order of Fuck You!
Oh, you bastards, you got me!

The fries were hot, greasy, and saltily delicious (yeah, I made up a word, big deal, you wanna fight about it?)  But up-sizing to get only 3/4 of a container made me feel like an asshole.  It’s like they make the employees pay for the fries out of their paycheck.  I took the picture before I removed any fries, that’s all of them.  Yeah, let me get some of that greasy air you got floating around back there for an extra dollar Ronald.

I paid $7.29 for this “meal,” and it is not a mistake I will make again any time soon.  Fuck You, Ronald McDonald, you clown!

On the positive side, the ketchup was good.



Are you offended?

It has come to my attention that there are those who may be offended by my gratuitous use of the words “fuck” and “you.”  Despite the fact that my humble goal is to be the number one clearing-house for all things fuck you, I was surprised to learn that there are those who are of delicate sensibilities, and that they might be offended by me saying “fuck you” every chance I get.

So for those individuals I have taken time out from my busy schedule of writing Fuck You and Fuck You related material to tender the following apology:

Universal Fuck YouFuuuuuuck You!  Fuck you.  Fuck Yourself and everything you believe in.  Fuck her, fuck him, fuck me, fuck you!  Fick Dich, Andate a la cresta, Baise Toi, vilis, Трахать тебя, vaffanculo, Foda-se, Fok jou, Te qifsha, Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Yankee Oscar Uniform, tebeda, الله يلعنك, Kaifa Haluka, mchi thawa, Kulsoum, Hayatoy, sihtir, Chudi, Ebi se, Diew Lei, meow, bark, cluck, moooo, 我去你妈了个逼, Guet maren ou, fuc ty, and baren ir!

If I missed any languages, I sincerely apologize.


Fuck You Microsoft Xbox

I personally don’t care about Microsoft Xbox one way or the other.

I have never even owned an Xbox, nor am I a gamer.  That being said, I feel these soldiers should get an honorable mention since I have gone from being hardcore pro Microsoft from day one (literally day one of Dos 1,) to anti Microsoft.  Microsoft Windows 10, The Edge Browser, and even old faithless Microsoft Exploder have joined forces to make me hate them with a passion.

I call upon all of my fellow hairless monkeys to join me in the ban of Microsoft in every possible way.

GNU, Open Source, Linux, Mozilla, GIMP, and Office Libre are the future!  De Opresso Liber!